itch.io

No, their parents married literally a few months ago.  They live in a huge castle and never see each other because they don’t like each other at first—neither are willing to even acknowledge the marriage essentially—they do not see each other as family at all.  Not even as acquaintances as strangers—they won’t talk to each other even as strangers.  They didn’t know each other at all beforehand.   

I will say that irl I wouldn’t approve.  I don’t think it necessarily would be the end of the world but I would advise against it.   Irl they couldn’t be living in the same household that’s for sure—like they couldn’t be dating at all.  Only if they were adults living on their own and moved out of their parents home. 

I will say that I’m not a completionist—there’s lots of Otome games where I literally only play one route and don’t play any of the others if I don’t like them.  Rod’s route is my favorite in this game because of his personality.  Karma was my second favorite.  I didn’t like Fritz or Rumpel—this was my first Otome game I ever played so I did finish these routes, but I would have skipped them if I was playing the game for the first time today.  Waltz was just okay.

Wonderful!  Thank you for sharing your development of this game.  Definitely your game is included on my favorites and one I am recommending to others.  It's amazing that this is your first game!  I am very much looking forward to any future projects you might create.

I just finished playing both routes and it was really good!  Thank you for creating such a beautiful and heartfelt game!  

That all sounds so awesome.  ^-^  I hope you have a great year and have that relaxing, fun time to write.  It’ll be so exciting to see!  

Hello, and again this is really great work.  

I actually did watch someone who played this game too afterwards and I noticed that their selection for a beginning question helped resolve a lot of my uncertainty I had at the beginning when I played.  

SPOILER

It was the question, “Do you believe in what they’re saying about the witches’ curse?”  

I had picked, “I suppose not.”

But the gameplay video someone else did picked, “Yes, I do.”

When seeing the “Yes I do” response it really helped me to understand their world better.  

Whereas the selections I made I don’t remember an explanation of how the townspeople viewed the legend exactly in general.  Nor history of the town itself being very clear. 

Believe it or not but when I heard at the beginning of the story that Kael had just appeared with medieval knowledge and getup in town I was thinking he may be from another dimension or world, or realm.  Basically not from her world.  Or that there was an underground secret magical society similar to Harry Potter.  And that she might be a descendant of someone who magically traveled to her world from a magical world.  

But, I never thought that their town’s history had a palace and kingdom with a witch and everything in the past.  I guess it was more like I thought the town had a fairytale about a witch from a magical world who happened to come to their world and town.  But they all thought it was fictitious.  

In retrospect I can see how that probably should be obvious that the town was where the palace had been—but the townspeople just thought the magic part of the story was fictional and possibly that the witch was fictional.  (Or maybe they do know magic existed?)  But it’s true when I read through I didn’t pick up on the palace being a literal part of their history until much later and didn’t understand it as well as I would have if I had seen the “Yes I do” dialogue.  

So, I dunno it that helps but maybe I suggest considering adding some dialogue to the No response that still tells the history.

Sorry I am a long winded speaker.  But it’s really cool and hope you get time to write more.

Hello, I downloaded the game today and played through once and did Kael's route.  The CG art is really good.  At first the premise is interesting.  I think this is a lovely start to creating your game.

SPOILERS

Sorry, but I am going to get into some hopefully construction criticism.  Please do not take any of this negatively--this story really is very good for a first story.

I think overall the thing that held this game back was essentially the story was too elaborate.  There was a lot of what is commonly referred to as "info dumps" or lots of exposition just put in--for example, if you read fast and maybe miss a sentence, it's definitely possible to entirely miss a huge plot point because exposition is literally placed just once during a character's thoughts which included other less important information.

It's difficult to explain, but one thing I think you should keep in mind as a golden rule going forward is following "Chekhov's gun" which is a writing principle that states "every element in a story must be necessary, and irrelevant elements should be removed."  I know probably you already have in mind how everything is necessary and has meaning as part of a huge, grand story--however, I really think you should consider in this smaller release of the story to NOT include all the elements of the story yet.

I think it actually would help you to keep people intrigued if when you write a smaller release of the story to follow Chekhov's gun principle by not including anything that is irrelevant to the shorter story.  For example, I would have advised completely removing the detail of Kael wanting a heart from the witch.  Because in this short release of the story it ended up being just a throwaway line that had no impact or relevance to the story.  It also added a bit of disappointment (at least to me) because honestly I didn't feel the character displayed a lack of emotion--which usually is what people think of first when a character says they lack a heart (due to Wizard of Oz probably).  So, it just added an unnecessary distraction--which is a classic Chekhov's gun example.  

The switching back and forth between character's POV and between past and present was also distracting.  I think having even just a screen break with just "A few days later..."  or "Brennan's POV" would have helped because at first I didn't even look up at the top of the screen and didn't catch the POV change.

But I also think the many changes in POV is also a result of trying to tell a huge story in a very short amount of time.  Again, I would have probably advised on the short release of this story to have focused on just a few things.  For example, maybe starting out the game telling just a fragment of the backstory--not everything that was said in this game, but just enough to get people intrigued and maybe purposely leaving out some things so readers question who's who as they're reading.  (For example, maybe you could have had a townsperson recalling the story at a pre halloween event as the protagonist walks by--I dunno maybe a book reading to children at a library or something--of the evil witch's actions and not mentioned the good witch yet so readers would initially think the protagonist might be secretly tied to evil magic unawares and that could have added tension and suspense, plus it would give more reason as to why the townspeople all feared witches so much).  

And then in this short release you could have focused on the protagonist not yet being aware of the truth--that only one witch was evil and the other was good--so not having any flashbacks yet to the past of the good witch, and instead at the end when she's possessed by the good witch you keep readers in suspense because you don't tell them she's good.  And instead you keep it vague still and mysterious.  So, when the witch leaves her body the protagonist has a much more difficult decision to make on whether she'll try to stay as herself or continue to unravel the mystery.  And then for Kael's route you could have her basically saying the same as she did--a speech about choosing to remain as she is and maybe even adding that she will never become evil.  (Just as a nice touch)  So essentially you'd have a complete short story then.  A girl connected to an unknown entity choosing to stay as she is and be a good person--that's a very satisfying story.  However, YOU would know as the author that it's just a tiny piece of the actual grand story and then in your next release you could plan out how the protagonist is gradually going to learn that the witch she's connected to actually isn't evil.  For example, while she's now living with Kael and they know they're likely going to be attacked by Brennan again--that's when she could suddenly start having flashbacks of a good witch and gradually realizing that there's more to the story.  Obviously I guess this would then require maybe a rewrite of Kael since I think he remembered that the witch was good--I probably would have kept him in the dark in this first release.  Maybe not yet regaining all his memories.  And also it would require a rewrite of her best friend so that she hasn't yet told the protagonist of the story of the good witch.  And I do think this is another story beat I would have removed completely--because it too was just thrown in as a flashback randomly.  Whereas I think it would be much more impactful to be written at a key moment in the story and probably where it's not a flashback but us actually being in the scene in the present.  So, again I think this would too have been good to have in an episode two--or second release of the game where maybe as she's getting odd flashbacks that contradict her knowledge of the witch she eventually tells her friend who then recounts the story of the good witch--maybe even as a final beat right before a major plot point.  (Like right before she meets Brennan for a big encounter)

And then in the next release as they both start realizing that the witch was good that would be a special treat then to your readers--to your fans--because they would be so thrilled to see that the story expands and gets more and more elaborate and interesting.

Anyways, that's just one idea.  As you can see, there's a lot of ways you can simplify a grand story and focus on beats that you think will be exciting for a reader.  You don't have to reveal everything at once.  And a story doesn't have to be huge to have a big impact.  You can definitely pick just a few things from your grand story and up the ante on those points to a thousand to make them very exciting.

Basically you really want each major plot point to have the most impact it can have in your story.  If Kael is actually a secretive character who’s main intentions originally were to get a heart in order to no longer be under the witch’s control or something—then that should have gradual hints throughout the story and the reveal of him looking for a heart should be during some major scene.  Timing of when to reveal plot is very important and also focusing on major plot points to build their momentum is very important too.  Or if he wants a heart only recently after meeting the protagonist because he fell in love and wants to become fully human—that too should be a major scene.

But, again I think since you had so many very cool, dramatic plot ideas in this story there just were too many in this chapter one that you weren’t able to give them all the emotional, dramatic tension and impactful reveal they really deserved.

I think you should see every very cool plot point you have as a diamond that you absolutely do not discard.  But instead save it and hold onto it until you can present the diamond at the perfect moment.

Again, I hope this is helpful.  And sorry I just love thinking about stories and giving feedback.  You did very well for your first story!  The story itself has a lot of potential.

Huh, I don’t remember that.  But it could be I missed it.  But yeah, I remember it said in the ending I got that she was an expert diplomat and traveled the world sometimes mediating and also helped the elf nation too internally.  Oh and I remember too it mentioned she did go back to meet her aunt again with Haron, and he wanted to meet her family and to see where she came from.  It said her aunt was really proud of her.  Something too about essentially hinting he was inviting her to meet his family (including his sister for the first time) to obviously propose.  It was a ridiculously good ending.  I loved it.  XD  Haha, bring on the cheese I say.

I still need to complete other routes.  It’s difficult for me because I loved my man Haron.  Lol.  

Yeah it’s just a hypothetical.  But I think you could sell your game.   Doesn’t have to remain free, I don’t think.  And with new games you create obviously you could start out selling them.  Obviously you’d want to make sure you get a copyright and such if you don’t already have one.  

But yeah, I don’t know how much time you want to spend or how much potential risk.  

It’s fine of course to create just as a hobby.  

But I know from my own career that generally if you don’t actively seek connections and essentially market yourself it might not be discovered.  Probably even just getting an interview or talking to publishers who have worked with Nintendo might at least somewhat put you on at least some publishers radar maybe.  

This looks like it might be a company that publishes games to Switch:  https://qubicgames.com/

You’ll have to double check everything because I just did a search.  It’s always good to get confirmation and testimonials from their prior customers.

Sorry, just purely wishing the best, but no worries at all—your games are already reaching a lot of people and bringing a smile as is. 

Sorry to spam message here but I was wondering if you’d consider putting your games someday on Nintendo Switch?  I actually don’t have Switch myself but essentially it seems like a lot of Otome fans use that device and might not be willing or able to use PC.  I’d love for more indie developers to become really successful.  I have read a short article which essentially says it’s possible for indie developers to get on Switch:  How to make a game for Switch

Anyways, you already have several finished games.  I think similar to say Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or any other property you don’t have to create brand new stories from scratch every year.  Basically I think you could grow your audience by putting existing works onto platforms that other people use—to them it would just be a brand new game.  Of course you could do some revamping if you want.  With this Greek myth game I’d suggest not having the silhouette of a duck behind the character when their icon appears.  But other than that it’s honestly fine as is.

Anyways just a thought.  I think it’d be exciting to see a small developer going the next level.  If possible.

I am slowly making my way through all your games and I finally played this one and omgosh fljhghjhv.  😂  Needless to say I loved it.  I unlocked all the endings and the 3rd ending where we get all the lore, just chefs kiss.  

I am such a sucker for The Princess of the Tower Wants a Hero and now this story too, Pre-Odyssey.  These stories of really cute love stories are just the best.  I honestly will cherish them always.  Not even kidding.  I will definitely be rereading them when I feel sad and thinking of them because I love these kinds of stories.

Both of the leads in Pre-Odyssey were so lovable.  Their dynamic is so great too.  

I really think this story could make a very nice short anime.  Definitely you shouldn’t forget these stories you created.  They’re good enough to have future adaptations someday.  

I love your review especially since it gives a breakdown of characters.  I wanted to ask though what do you mean by living arrangements in Haron’s route?  I played once so far and ended up with Haron—and admittedly I loved it—and what I got was she lived in the elf town together and she kept her power and together they overcame any obstacles that they encountered—that they brought back peace and prosperity to the town.  It was so picture perfect—maybe even too perfect.  

I wonder if each LI might have different endings though.  But, the ending I got was amazing.

Really can't say enough how great this game is.  I started playing otome games recently and this is basically the best one to be honest.  It's actually sad that this game essentially is free.  It should be on platforms like Nintendo Switch which apparently is very popular with otome fans.  Hope someday the creators can get on that app maybe and featured.  They deserve it.

Anyways, I just downloaded the game yesterday and I played through it once now.  It really makes you feel like you're actually in a fantasy adventure--that you're getting to really dive directly into a book and really be a character in a story.  Which is always something I wanted to see--I love fantasy adventure stories and always wanted to actually get to play truly like being in a novel.  Most otome games don't really do that.  And yes, I think maybe this is kind of similar to D&D games--a similar type of concept.  

A lot of games are not really about the story--not in this way where you're really roleplaying like being actually in a novel.  I don't know how to explain that.  

I know D&D must be kind of like this but honestly I just don't have any acquaintances to play that and I think it's still not exactly what I wanted.  I really wanted to be inserted into a story and play just like this game.  And so, again thanks so much for creating this!  

One thing that made this game great too is basically it allows you to play as your own personality.  I'm honestly not aggressive in actions, very calm and passive.  But, I like to joke and throw out quips.  Basically I like to use cunning I think more. 

And essentially no other game I've ever played allowed me to use my kind of personality--basically all other games were one-dimensional.  And essentially no other games would allow you to be a mix of deep down scared but hiding it under calmness (passive means but also never giving in to any demand) and cunning (using humor).  And it was so satisfying to be allowed to roleplay in that complexity.

I guess I will add which route I ended up choosing in my first play through and it was Haron!  I honestly really didn't decide until the party event that occurred right before the shopping outing.  Haron finally partly won me over when talking to him during the party.  Even though it was my first playthrough I honestly think he's my favorite--which I didn't expect.  Although, I do find it amusing that I ended up with the guy known as a mask which essentially was the exact same as me when I was roleplaying.  I wore a mask of calmness at all times in the game even though I was actually afraid as the character--and I also was outwardly friendly and used humor too.  It was really satisfying--I felt like I really understood his character. (But then again, maybe I'm wrong.  I enjoyed the route though and got a happy ending with Haron!  :D)

I'm so bad, I guess I'm a good tester for you since I'm sure I won't be the only one who gets confused like this.  XD  

And gotcha on the conversation not being clear.  But yeah, I think that I probably won't be the only person who thinks she died because of assuming they're talking about the protagonist in past tense.  I think I literally restarted the game after I got that route originally (I was really lucky and got that route first) thinking it was a bad ending.  Lol.  But, I'm sure in the full release obviously that will be more clear because we will be able to continue.  

I love the game so much I've gone back and played it several times.  I have a few things I noticed on second playthrough and one is, at the beginning you say "waitress" for the person who lets us into the first meeting with Snare.  I think that's the incorrect word to use.  I think a correct one would be "attendant."  Waitress is basically only used at restaurants.  

Also, I have to admit, I played now several times and I'm still unsure which route is the good one.  I think, based on comments from others, that there must be a good route where you don't die in the demo.  And after thinking about it --spoiler--but I think it's the one where they say she is asleep now.  

But, if I'm correct, I have to say that I didn't understand that route because Vincenzo talks to Edel and he mentions how everyone wants him to settle down but Vincenzo responds that it was a shame he COULDN'T do that.  And that past tense really confused me.  They talk in coded language sometimes so I thought when I first got that route that meant when they said she was asleep that was code for "she is dead."  

So, I thought that route was still one where she died.  But, on more playthroughs I think actually maybe that was the good route and she didn't die.  

But, I kind of recommend maybe changing the word "couldn't" to can't.  I think that would clear up that Vincenzo is saying that she's still alive but that he has no intention of marrying her.  If that's the case.  

Awesome story though!

Which route?  I choose Vicenzo.  Honestly, although I know he's obviously hiding his true self beneath a mask, it's less intimidating.  Also I actually like his squinty eyes--it's really random but I have read a manga a while ago where the male lead had eyes like that and it's pretty unusual.  It's just different and interesting.  It can give a feeling of being kind of silly or funny, of being unaware of something, and/or "playing dumb" essentially.  But strangely that makes the person more approachable while adding depth.  Which works well here in this setting. 

Favorite scene?  Not really a favorite, pretty much all of it was very good.  But, maybe when she's in the garden at the manor and Edel threatens her to reveal information to him and when I refused and he said, Good answer.  Somehow that kind of solidified for me that she was joining the mafia essentially, lol.  And that Edel's whole goal might be to protect his boss.  I felt oddly accomplished that I was proving to be trustworthy.  Lol.  Which I don't know if it's a good or bad thing obviously at this point.

I do get the sense that obviously the Prince has some type of connection to Vicenzo.  I have noticed that the Prince's eye color is also a red.  Maybe that's coincidence, but I wonder if it's possible they might even be distantly related.  And overall, the story appears to be good so far--it's a mystery story which is usually a good idea for a romance novel.  Something is going on, there's some reason why this organization is working to overthrow the current leaders of the kingdom.  And now her father, brother and best friends are directly involved too.  All of that is very interesting and I wonder what will happen.